You Gotta Jack-in With Your Ponytail

I haven't pooped in like three days :(

I’m going to jump right into the numbers and ramble afterward:

Deadlift

1. 80lbs x 5
2. 80lbs x 5
3. 120lbs x 3
4. 170lbs x 2
5. 205lbs x 3 (left under)
6. 185lbs x 2 (left over)

I “left one in the tank” on both work sets. I’m now recording my warm-ups, so the last two sets are what I would normally be reporting.

The last set felt weird besides, though. Just got a bad feeling about it, and I went with it.

Lat Pulldown

1. 45lbs x 5
2. 45lbs x 5
3. 55lbs x 5
4. 70lbs x 3
5. 85lbs x 2
6. 100lbs x 4 (one less than I would have liked, but it’s progress)
7. 90lbs x 5 (the best set of this session)

On set 6 I attempted a fifth rep but got stuck. I held it and did a slow negative. Again, last two sets are the work sets.

The next two exercises don’t have specific warm-ups.

Horizontal Row
3 x 5 @ 80lbs.

I forgot to stretch my shoulders before the first set, but I cranked out all five reps besides. Then I stretched and did the second set, cranked out another five.

Then I remembered I’m supposed to explode concentrically, and the third set was a breeze. I will probably stay this weight, though. I don’t like how involved my arms got, and I don’t think my lats were truly handling this weight.

Nautilus Abs
3 x 5 @ 65lbs.

I don’t think I’m going to work abs both days anymore. It’s making me lurch forward. Just deadlift days is fine. Nevertheless, this was waaay too easy. The next plate jump puts me at 80lbs, and I did a single rep of that just out of curiosity.

I’ll be doing 80lbs. next week.

I decided to ditch my show prep. I highly doubt they’re going to select me, and it’s not worth having such a thrown diet. It was useful prep for the Christmas events, since I evened out just a touch above maintenance rather than thousands over, for the week.

Physiologically I was primed for this workout, but mentally trashed. Went to see Avatar with some friends, then wound up chatting until six in the morning (NOT about Avatar. That conversation ended ten minutes after it started:

“Would you want to do the Avatar program if you could?”
“No.”
“Seriously? Why not?”
“I already know what it’s like to have proportionally puny lats. I don’t like it.”)

The only miss as far as how my body felt, though, was this ridiculous level of constipation I’ve been dealing with. All this food is pushing my belly out in a rather discouraging way. I tried to pay attention to my shoulders in the gym mirrors, ugh.

And despite the bloaty chunkiness, I’m still 160lbs. So uh. I lost weight. Yeah. I just don’t know how much.

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DOMS Day

I had a pretty long workout yesterday. I was tired when I got home, and though I stayed up rather late I wanted to enjoy some non-DOMS time. I knew as soon as I woke up I’d be sore and ache all over. I am.

From a pure-strength perspective, yesterday’s workout was a little… meh. I still had a belly full of Christmas foods, and I think this compromised my benching form. When I activated my pecs I think it interacted unfavorably with this food, and I subconsciously began benching with my arms. It wasn’t until my second set of incline benches (incline bench is always where I really start to feel my chest anyway) that I realized my elbows were tucking in. I dropped the weight and did a third set and deliberately jutted my elbows out. I felt like an idiot for not having caught this sooner.

Wasted session.

After the strength maintenance work I went about the depletion routine. I’ve been eating a lot of carbs in the latter half of the week (though surprisingly few at the beginning of, which nearly balances me calorically.) I either wanted to burn the sugar already saturating my muscles, or I hoped that if I hadn’t fully digested all of that food yet that I could get some tardy partitioning on my side.

Onto the numbers:

Body Weight: 159lbs
Body Fat%: 18.6% (fully loaded; still made me a little grouchy with myself.)

Flat Bench

1. 45lbs. x  5
2. 60lbs. x 4
3. 80lbs. x 2 (machine) ~ end of warm-up
4. 100lbs. x 3 (machine)
5. 95lbs. x 1

I moved to the machine because the first two warm-ups seemed unusually difficult. I attribute this to lack of adequate rest between warm-ups which I ordinarily afford myself. Lack of patience lead to lack of reps, though I did hit my goal of three reps on the top set. My elbows always do what they’re supposed to on the machines but I had two major problems which led me back to the bar for the final set: hand spacing is horrendous/hurts my wrists; nasty sweaty prick stole the machine while I was getting a drink of water.

He was really gross. He didn’t offer to let me work in or anything, and I probably would have barfed on him if he had. Ugh. He came over while I was using it, asked me how long I had on it (“about three more sets, I just got here”) and after one set I put my workout log on the seat and went to the nearest water fountain to sip some water. Come back, he’s dripping all over the seat. Notebook’s on the floor. I grab my book, snicker at his calves, and go back to the floor.

Incline Bench

1. 85lbs. x 4
2. 70lbs. x 5
3. 65lbs. x 5

The top set I arguably shortchanged myself on. I don’t know where the failure was coming from, arms or chest (I didn’t know under stress of the bar, I didn’t think about it on the spot while I was writing in the log, and I can’t remember besides) but I could have probably screamed out a fifth rep on the top set. I had a lot more working out to do, and my goal was 4 reps for today, so I just left it to that.

Second set, as I said, was the “oh shit I’ve been doing it wrong” set, verified by the light final set I used solely to check form. I’m a doofus.

Incline Fly

25lbs. x 4, 4, 2

Nothing changed from last week.

I didn’t have my glasses on, so I got to play “who’s that look like?“:

• Had Alton Brown doing strict curls and rear lateral raises
• Pee-Wee Power Curls (with calf raise)
• My ex standing above my head (if you look at the mirror from the bench I was on) doing whatever she was doing. She had cool yellow short shorts, though, so I knew it wasn’t actually the ex. Still couldn’t look at her directly though. MIRRORS ONLY, COWARD!

Nautilus Abs

3 x 5 @ 60lbs.

I checked the other machine, it’s a “Life Fitness” brand ab worker. I love my gym. It has abs, biceps, and triceps in its own “wing” of the gym, near the pool, squash, and basketball courts. It’s also the closest section of machines (though to be fair it has benches with the vertical handles so you can do reverse crunches, and a mat with medicine balls) to the locker rooms. Presumably so you can pump up your abs/guns and run to the mirrors/pool as quickly as possible.

Speaking of, still playing the celebrity lookalike game: Alec Baldwin was doing some combination of limited ROM shoulder press + tricep extension with a cable machine, further down the line than the Life Fitness ab destructinator.

Oh, and I finally heard that “Poker Face” song while I was working abs. I was not amused. But, abs were the only thing I progressed on for-reals this session. So whatever.

RELATIVELY HIGH VOLUME TIME, GOOO~!

Round One

1. Horizontal Row: 3 x 15 @ 45lbs.
2. Dumbbell Lateral Raise: 13 @ 10lbs; 2 x 15 @ 5lbs.
3. Squats: 3 x 15 @ 45lbs.
4. Standing Calf Raise Machine: 3 x 15 @ 30lbs.
5. Dumbbell Curl: 2 x 15 @ 8lbs. (Pee Wee came by and did his power curls to show me how to lift 65lbs. Thanks bro. This weight was perfect for me, though.)
6. Cable Tricep Pushdowns (w/rope): 2 x 15 @ 30lbs. (Could have done 35, but probably not 40lbs., but the station didn’t have 5lbs. jumps.)

7 minute rest. Each numbered item was done straight through, so all the rows and then all the raises, and then all the squats, etc. 30-60 seconds between sets, no more than 2 minutes between exercises.

Round Two

1. Horizontal Row: 3 x 15 @ 45lbs.
2. Squats: 2 x 15 @ 45lbs.
3. Calf Raise: 3 x 15 @ 30lbs.

My shoulders are fried. I was starting to feel mighty nauseous before my second set of squats this round, and on the ninth rep vertigo hit me. I completed the set but decided not to risk a final one.

Overall, it was a good workout. Took me a total of about three hours to complete. Went to Barnes & Noble afterward and read some comics for a few hours. My arms were all pumped, and it turns out I have traps. I got some interesting looks when I took my coat off. Should have worn a bigger shirt.

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Jesus Isn’t Even Born Yet

(21:13:41) Jasmine: hi ^^
(21:13:47) Eric: hi
(21:14:53) Jasmine: how are you ^^?
(21:15:31) Eric: relatively okay
(21:15:57) Jasmine: good to know  how was ur day?
(21:16:51) Eric: shit.
(21:17:15) Jasmine: what happend :(
(21:17:20) Jasmine: *hugs you*
(21:18:29) Eric: Gym closed early.
(21:18:47) Jasmine: ?
(21:19:15) Jasmine: is that all?
You are now blocking Jasmine

Stephanie: you dont have to work out every day eric
Eric: No shit. Have I EVER in the past five months that we’ve talked had two days consecutive of working out?
Eric: DON’T BOTHER CHECKING, THE ANSWER IS NO.
Stephanie: well whats the problem then?
Eric: I work out Mondays and Thursdays, and thanks to Christmas wankery, I don’t get to the gym again until Sunday at the earliest.
Stephanie: so go sunday?
Eric: What’s the day after Sunday, again?
Stephanie: the 28th?
You are now blocking Stephanie

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p.i.n.k Training

So I got a call a few days ago informing me of a fitting the first week of January for a fashion show in Milwaukee on the 9th.

So that means low-carb dieting for the next two weeks, and no enjoyment of Christmas meals whatsoever! Yay!

I was going to do some depletion work today, but since I only had 2 hours to workout, I essentially only had time for my usual routine. My weight is the same, but my body fat percentage mysteriously went down. I’m calling a fluke, since I’ve only started low-carbing TODAY. Yesterday I had nearly 300g.

Numbers time.

Post-workout and post-post-workout meal. I didn't even bother posing correctly.

Weight: 160lbs.
BF%: 16.2% (I check it three times…)

Deadlift

1. 200lbs. x 5 (LO)
2. 180lbs. x 5 (LU)

Fuck yes. That is all.

Lat Pulldown

1. 50lbs. x 5
2. 75lbs. x 5
3. 100lbs. x 3
4. 85lbs. x 5

I don’t feel like I activate my lats properly when I’m chinning, so I’m doing underhanded pulldowns. I’m definitely feeling my lats right now.

I didn’t load properly, though. I put the same amount as I would have offset on the chin assist, so for that reason what you’re ACTUALLY seeing is my warm-up lifts. I would be lifting 100lbs. (offset would thus be 60lbs.) on my third and final warm-up set. I knew this was going to be a lot harder than usual when I completed my first warm-up. I should have listened to myself, but part of me was thinking I was just coming off my high from making my reps in deadlift 45 seconds ago, so I carried on. (I also activated more of my mid-back on DL than I was anticipating. This scared me because I didn’t realize what was happening when I did it and it sounded like a couple ribs popped. But no pain, no injury.)

When my third warm-up set was as difficult as it was, I stopped it there, and called that my effective top-set for this workout. I moved a plate lower for a conservative deload, and got my reps there. Next workout I will see if a full rest before the 100lbs. combined with adaptations will allow me to get my reps. I’m not holding my breath though, I’ll likely be pretty depleted by the time that workout rolls around.

Horizontal Row

1. 80lbs. x 5
2. 80lbs. x 4
3. 80lbs. x 4

First set, again, felt like I wasn’t as strong as I should have been, but again I made the excuse that my previous exercise impacted me too much. This time, a little bit more of a legitimate excuse. My lats were genuinely exhausted for a change, and like I said, DL hit my mid-back for once. However, I was feeling some tightness in my shoulder, so during my rest before my second set I sauntered over to the dumbbell area and grabbed the broomstick to do some shoulder dislocations and watched the aerobics class.

Second set went much better, despite not getting all the reps. Technique felt cleaner.

Third set, no complaints, I failed on my fifth-rep attempt and slownegged it back.

Cable Crunch Nautilus Ab Thingy

3 sets of 5 @ 55lbs.

I gotta say, as far as goofy-lookin’ ab machines go, Nautilus felt like I was getting a decent range of motion on them. I don’t remember the brand-name of the one next to it, but I’d used it before, and it felt like such a stunted “I’m hurling now” jerky motion that I didn’t mind trying something new.

The reason I didn’t do cable crunches? Triceps aren’t strong enough to push down 55lbs. apparently. Oh well.

Chatted with Andy a bit following this, he seemed interested in my dieting history and the genesis of my intense interest in fitness and why I don’t already have the results I’m clearly so motivated to achieve. I felt they were honest and worthwhile questions to answer, so I did. Might write a post about it, but I’ll save it for when I’ve achieved. No sense in writing another “but this time it’s different!” until I AM different.

Plus I need to find all my fat kid pictures.

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She Grabs My Ass and I Deload

Body Weight: 161lbs.
Body Fat Percentage: 18%

Flat Bench:

1. 100lbs. x 2 (and 3 assisted…)
2. 90lbs. x 5 (+)

Incline Bench:

1. 80lbs. x 5 (+)
2. 65lbs. x 5 (+)

Incline Fly:

1. 25lbs. x 4
2. 25lbs. x 4
3. 25lbs. x 2

Plus sign means “increase next workout.” Just trying some easier notation for myself.

Now I get a little volume-bonkers.

Horizontal Row: 6×12 @ 40lbs. (+)

Lateral Raise: 2×12; 1×6 @ 10lbs. DBs

Squat: 1×12 @ 45lbs.

[WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM]

Bicep Curl: 2×12 @ 5lbs. DBs (+)

Triceps Pushdown: 2×12 @ 30lbs. cable (+)

Cable Crunches: 6×12 @ 30lbs. (+)

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YOR LOSIN MUSCLES BRO

Ahah. Brother.

Today was an interesting day at the gym. I overate on carbs last night, couldn’t sleep (one caused the other y’know?) and I had mounting reasons on both sides to both go and not go to the gym today, the major one being some “appointment” with a personal trainer (Andy) I had shoved up my ass on deadlift day earlier this week. I figured rather than try to go back to dreamland and getting kicked out by Mariusz again, I’d man up and go to the gym. So I did.

Despite overeating last night I wolfed down a protein bar before I left for the gym. I’m sure my overall milk protein intake was more than adequate but, hey, whatever. Got into the gym, changed into the usual attire, and weighed in two pounds heavier than earlier this week. Acceptable water difference, especially since I hadn’t fully digested (this means poop) two boxes of granola yet. Especially since I haven’t fasted at all this week, and am probably barely skirting maintenance if I’m anywhere close to it. Moving on before I trick myself into depression.

I mosey on over to the literal center bench (not the most visible bench, a neighboring incline has this distinction) and knock out a few warm-up sets. I notice a familiar blond head darting around me, it’s Lynn, presumably circuit training while she waits for me to fail on my top set so she can swoop in and save my ass. I decide to test this assumption, and deliberately attempt a third rep I know I won’t make. Three Ms. Reps later, and I rack. She grabs my ass while I deload. The peak of my workout.

I later notice some other guy grab her ass, probably her husband, and I debate grabbing his ass but then I realize this isn’t high school and he can probably hit worth a damn.

She introduces me to “Bruce,” we shake hands (grip affirms my disinterest in being punched by the giant,) and he makes some half-snide remark about my sub-100 bench as they leave. Nevertheless, his name is Bruce. I don’t fuck with guys/girls named Bruce.

SO! I go about the rest of my chest, relatively uninterrupted. I note some decent carb-bestowed progress on all three lifts. Recovering from my final set of flys, I think: “Maybe I should do calves. I threw in those cable crunches on back day,” and while calves dissimilarly has no justification (abs stabilize for pretty much anything,) they ARE being neglected.

Today I had a whole depletion program, sans chest since it’s chest day, written out to hopefully offset SOME of the carby damage I’ve dealt myself. Which would have included calves if I hadn’t been interrupted.

Sadly, I only manage to complete lats and delts before my appointment arrives late. He admits it was all his fault though, he’s new, doesn’t understand the area that well or whatever, fine. I was more thrilled with the fact that he didn’t jerk off on my chest, but hey, at least I know if he’s WRONG he’s HONEST (which has the unfortunate result of BELIEVABILITY for the more ignorant trainees out there.)

I was doing empty barbell squats with a little too much enthusiasm and I think I pulled my butt anyway, so let’s chat about fat loss, or whatever.

I Wanna Help You Out Bro: TRAINING

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It’s All In The Wrists

Well I just got home from lunch with pops, who picked me up from the gym.

I had an apple and a protein bar pre-workout. Probably close to 300kcal.

Getting Right to It:

This is the first time I've been sub-18% in over a year.

Body Weight: 159lbs.
Fat %: 17.7%

Fat Weight: 28.143lbs.
Lean Mass: 130.857

Deadlift:

1. 1×4 @ 200lbs. (LU)
2. 1×4 @ 180lbs. (LO)

Getting there. Next week should be my last at 200lbs, haha! Following this, a personal trainer I had never met before (Andy, in case I mention him in the future) seemed interested in my program. He wasn’t trying to shove a new program down my throat, so we were able to talk for a bit.

And then he taught me how to power clean. I have a new friend.

Chin Ass:

1. 1×2 @ 124lbs. lifted (35 off)
2. 1×5 @ 99lbs. lifted (60 off; going to increase this set next workout)

Horizontal Row:
3×5 @ 75lbs. ~ Getting increased again next workout.

Cable Crunch:
3×5 @ 50lbs. ~ Increasing next workout as well.

Big ol’ carby meal PWO: Bagel in the car (plain, just wanted some fast carbs because I was feeling light-headed… very glad I brought it with me); swiss steak with mashed potato and corn at the restaurant. Today’s maintenance day, though, and so I still have enough calories for dinner!

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Overeating

I ate a lot yesterday.

Went out to the Chinese buffet with mom to celebrate. Finished filming my parts for Thinking Speed the day before, so I thought I deserved a treat.

I ate almost 4200kcal! Ughh!

No guilt, just lots of water weight and poop. Interesting to me, though, I ate over the 3500kcal necessary to put on a pound of fat… but my weekly average remained below 1800kcal, the amount I need to MAINTAIN weight. I wish I could magically deplete overnight just to see where my highly-likely jump on the scale is really coming from, but I’m not going to even attempt depletion for the next few days. I had a brush with hypoglycemia last night and I don’t feel like flirting with disaster until things even out. Maybe being carb-bloated will help me eek out that elusive next rep on deadlifts tomorrow!

My arms are still whining at me about Thursday’s workout, and I really think I need to re-evaluate my form or try something else.

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Beat of the Rhythym of the Night

Not a great workout, but I’m not too ashamed of it.

My carb-up last night didn’t go great. It did the job, I guess, but there was way too much fructose/sucrose going on. I should have just made some pasta but I just wanted to eat and go to bed. It was a stressful fast. It’s working great for getting my numbers back up but I don’t know if I want to keep periodizing my eating in this way if I can’t be sure I’ll have the food sources I’ll need to make it work.

Especially since my protein powder is running low.

Numbers:

Body Weight: 159lbs.

Flat Bench:

1. 1×1 @ 100lbs. (failed halfway through second rep and barely made it to the low pins)
2. 1×4 @ 90lbs. (aw.)

This is the first workout this year that I didn’t get a text message. Holy crap I can start wearing a watch.

Incline Bench:

1. 1×5 @ 75lbs.
2. 1×5 @ 60lbs.

Looks like both of my sets on incline bench are going up next workout. They’re going to catch up to my flat bench quick if this keeps up.

Incline Flys

1. 1×5 @ 20lbs.
2. 1×4 @ 20lbs.
3. 1×5 @ 20lbs.

Not sure what to make of this. First set came easy, second set felt like my eyes were going to fall out, and the third set was a “just right” challenge. I don’t know if I want to wait until all three sets come easy or if this was just a mental thing and I should just bump it up another five pounds.

—

Made a pretty nice friend though. Lynn saw me screw myself on the second rep of the top set of flat benching and offered to spot me on my next one. I declined (making me sort-of wish I did more sets at a weight I wasn’t sure I could handle), but I really appreciated the offer. Turns out she went to my old Bally’s, only before I was born, haha! She was really fit though, turned out she used to be an aerobics (spin?) instructor. She was working back/bi’s in no particular fashion, unless she can keep meticulous records in her head.

I think I’m going to try dumbbells next workout though. I’m not feeling any activation in my chest on flat benches, it’s all arms it feels like. Which is probably why I’m stalling, the weak suckas! They’re also looking a lot better than my chest, in no small part to their relatively lower fattiness. I used to hate dieting down because of how small I’d feel in my arms and calves. When I first started training with dad, forearms and calves got beaten like crazy. Dad had me training them and abs every workout.

Now I’m doing two work sets per exercise and I’m smaller than I’ve ever been since I started weight training.

I should just have him train me again, what am I screwing around by myself for? :P

(Just kidding.)

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That’s Intense, Bro

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