The Valentine’s Mixtape

Posted: February 14th, 2010 | Author: ERIC | Filed under: Love, Music | Tags: Alex, Almost, Bear, Better, Daft Punk, Daisy, Dana, Don't Go Breaking My Heart, Doom, Eileen, Faster, Fuck Her Gently, Girlfriend, Harder, I Want Candy, I Will Survive, James, Kattie, Kristin, Leah, Loren, love life, Mika, mixtape, Monsoon, Origin of Love, playlist, Relax, Sarah, Shay, side a, side b, Stronger, Sweet 16, Take It Easy, Tiffany, Your Body Is A Wonderland | 1 Comment »

Nothing says loneliness like a mixtape amirite?

These days kids are making youtube playlists. Or I do. But I’m an ADULT.

So whatever. The point is I’ve got a pretty pitiful love life and nobody to actually create an entire playlist for. I don’t even really listen to enough music nor pay attention to the subtleties of personality (SITE NAME, THANK YOU) to do that kind of shit.

Rather, I thought back, waaay back about half of my life ago, and tried to associate a song to someone I either dated or should have dated. The ‘should have dated’ list is a lot shorter than what I was expecting it to be, for the key reasons that: I don’t remember people who I ultimately don’t care about, and even if I do remember them and think I should have dated them, I probably didn’t hang around them enough to associate a song.

And if I did manage to associate a song, well, that would mean they’re in the mix.

So it begins.

SIDE A

This pretty much prefaces my entire romantic life through age seventeen. Sometime around the fourth grade I was really into disco, too. I stopped loving disco around the time I got really involved with my first crush. Please be conservative in your interpretation of that, by ‘really involved’ I mean ‘got off at the same bus stop; kinda far from my stop.’

Tiffany. This girl could be a blog post in and of herself, my fourth-grade-and-forever crush. The first gift I ever bought for a girl that I liked was the ‘Aaron’s Party’ album, and a box of chocolates. Snow was on the ground and I think it was for her birthday, though the gift was late. My excuse was that “I’m ten years old” and she didn’t really care, because at that age it’s just cool to get free stuff.

Her niece called me Uncle Eric and that was the coolest thing ever. I still love it when people consider me family that aren’t, genetically. If I hadn’t been such a fat fuck, she probably would have dated me at some point. We parted ways in sixth grade (I think she moved to Georgia?) and I haven’t seen her since.

She should have given me her AIM. I mean. I’m still using the same one…

Kattie: I didn’t care about dating for a couple years after Tiffany, until near the end of eighth grade when I met Kattie. The first thing I remember about her was how she wowed the other adolescent girls with her tales of giving blowjobs. I think it’s pretty clear why I was into her. Also, I was still a fat guy, and she gave me hugs. Didn’t have to ask or anything. This made her the most important person in my life. She’s the reason I hug my friends. Or just anyone that looks like they need a hug.

Kristin: I almost put Stairway to Heaven here, but that song is second to this one for her, not to mention shared by the next person on this list. Anyway. My first memory of her was playing volleyball in gym class in eighth grade, I could NEVER fucking ‘set’ the ball. “Just push up. Really easy and gently. Like a flower!”

She was also my first debate partner in high school. We talked a lot on AIM; I don’t really think she had any interest in dating me whatsoever, but it’s no problem. It sucked, yeah, and I really hated the guy she was dating at the time because he was such an obnoxious prick, but I didn’t make a big deal out of it.

That guy’s actually one of two of my best friends, now. He dated two of the girls on this list, that I know about. He at LEAST sexually assaulted two more of them. That’s more than I did!

Anyway, I didn’t start crushing over her until freshman year of high school when I wasn’t a fatbro anymore. I don’t think it occurred to her that flowerball fatboy and debate creep were the same dork.

Dana: Stronger desire to put Stairway here than for Kristin (Kristin introduced me to Zeppelin; Dana spent the night and played the track backwards on real vinyl then played an obscene amount of Phantom Dust.) Dana kicks Kristin’s ass on many levels… especially because we’re still friends.

Met him walking home; he was with a bunch of friends, I was alone with my gameboy playing Kirby. Gave him my AIM; I don’t know if he gave me his, though, because I remember him messaging me first and having to re-introduce himself because I didn’t recognize the handle.

I always recognize the handle.

Loren: The first and only date I went on in high school was during my freshman year. For Halloween; she went as a pirate and I was Shrodinger from Hellsing. She was a senior (or worse) and seemed legitimately interested in me until after this. Never caught her last name, never got a second chance.

Oddly, I think it was my lack of a molestation response to her attempting to give me a footjob in the basement that ended that. It was my first date, how was I supposed to know that “I’m going to take you home now, put on a movie we’ve both seen a dozen times, and show you how good I am with my feet” meant “IF I DON’T GET LAID TONIGHT I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN?”

Also, I really did drop out of school and move to L.A. Fancy that.

That was a good three years or more later, but before I left, I met someone…

Alex: I had a crush on this girl named Amanda. I met her at her locker every once in a while after school. Near her locker was another girl, who sarcastically mentioned that she ‘wish some guy would come to give me a hug!’ So, I gave her a hug. I became immediately more interested in her because of the response in her eyes. A lot of girls, when you ignore them or otherwise pay more attention to anything else, do this exasperated eye-rolling huff and eventually walk off. Alex never did that. She just looked at me like she knew exactly what was going on in my head and went about her business.

Which I think is hot as hell and I don’t give a fuck if anyone disagrees with me.

We spent some general hang-out time after school for a while before I moved to L.A. We didn’t ‘start dating’ (if you could call it that) until I moved back the following summer. She gave me my first kiss, provided some of the most interesting and mindful conversation, and I fucked it up.

I was in a funk for a while after that, during which I listened exclusively to Billy Idol. I picked this song specifically because it marked when I actually fell apart.

This is the only break-up I regret.

Shay: I have more respect for her than to call her the rebound girl, but, really… I asked her out not long after breaking up with Alex, I spent a week at her house (which was really far from my house), lost my virginity (+do overs), came back, broke-up. I didn’t ask her out with the intent of an easy lay, I really did like her, and if she hadn’t lived so far away and make me pretend I hated black people, I would have stayed with her.

Was she an intellectual? No. Racist satanist? Yes. Total fucking sweetheart who I had in no way deserved? Yes.

We’re on friendly terms now that she’s over me and has what on the face sounds like another really cool dude: I am apparently invited to the wedding, so rock on!

Daisy: We never dated, but, I wish I had been less of a coward and just told her how much it irritated me that the best I was to her was ‘guy I sneak around with when my boyfriend can’t get a ride over.’

Oh well.

I met her at one of Alex’s parties. I was trying to think of something ‘first’ I did with her compared to Alex and Shay. Well, this song would be it! Impromptu duet between party music CDs; she started singing to herself and I cut in for Kiki’s parts. Haven’t sung with any other girl since.

(Another good memory was the bear and the flower behind the curtain with the corny accent. No need for more detail than that. IF she reads this, she’ll know, and that’s exactly how I want it.)

SIDE B

SIDE A was in chronological order. SIDE B is going to close things out in order of favoritism.

Leah: I actually don’t like this song at all, this choice was forced upon me. Any time she ever heard this song accidentally, I was to know about it. No emotional story behind it, just sheer repetition. Not that I think this is a bad song in and of itself, I just don’t like the associating method. There’s no memory, nothing I think about other than ‘fuck, another text about Monsoon.’

Leah = the only person I’ve dated whom I believed when she told me she loves me. Only person I dated for longer than, what, two weeks? Which is why I really hate not having a proper song for her.

Too bad.

Eileen: The rest of this mix is basically all super cool people I’m still friends with, never asked out, and toooooooooooootally should have. Eileen likes the D and I have yet to have a conversation with her that I was happy it ended. It’s probably better that we are just friends, she’s the kind of person I want to still chill with when I’m an old fart.

James: The first date I ever went on with a man was Mika’s concert in Chicago in 2009; also the first concert I’d ever been to. THE BEST date I have ever been on. We still keep in touch via email, and he seems to have a stable relationship going for himself (just moved in together if I’ve read correctly.) I just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, through no fault of his.

Sarah: This is the other best friend. I afford one per gender, and she’s my girl. I invited her to my place for a night of movies and cookies. It took an enormous amount of restraint to not make out madly with this one, and I’m not going to lie and say I don’t get super jealous when I hear about her new boyfriends or see her kissing other guys. But she’s friends with people I’ve hurt, and I don’t blame her at all for not trusting me as more than a friend.

But man. You ever just get swept away by a song? This song elevated me when I had just been watching the film alone. I close my eyes and I’m lifted up, and there she is, with a high-five and a cookie.

So that’s the mix.

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