Shit Hard

ITT: Why we train.
1) To be more like Batman. Pic Related.
2) To increase chances of survival in zombie apocalypse.
3) To be different from all the fat people in the world.

I like to shit hard.

I mean, I don’t mind when I shit soft, but I like to squat deep and crunch my abs in the bathroom and SCREAM. Just hollar out blood-curling yelps of agony as I fully assault the cauldron with my shitblasts.

Before I trained I would get tired, my legs would quiver and I’d soon find myself seated. No longer. Now I strut into the women’s bathroom (male here) and kick open a stall and just SHIT. I fucking wreck a toilet. You know how sometimes you lean too far forward while shitting explosively that it pellets the entire back of the bowl?

I put my feet on the seat and I spray the WALL. I get the back of the toilet, all over the handle and shit. God damn. I don’t even wipe.

I piss on the toilet paper.

Then I walk out of there, I don’t put my pants back on. I’m layered in my own shit from the hips down and I can’t be getting that in my pants. So what I do is, what I do is I go in to the mens bathroom and I squat (second set) into the sink.

I run some hot water over my buttcrack to rinse off my butt hairs. But I also get some paper towel, and I clean up the other poopsplats that rebounded onto my ankles and such.

That’s what I train for.

Popularity: 1% [?]