YOR LOSIN MUSCLES BRO

Ahah. Brother.

Today was an interesting day at the gym. I overate on carbs last night, couldn’t sleep (one caused the other y’know?) and I had mounting reasons on both sides to both go and not go to the gym today, the major one being some “appointment” with a personal trainer (Andy) I had shoved up my ass on deadlift day earlier this week. I figured rather than try to go back to dreamland and getting kicked out by Mariusz again, I’d man up and go to the gym. So I did.

Despite overeating last night I wolfed down a protein bar before I left for the gym. I’m sure my overall milk protein intake was more than adequate but, hey, whatever. Got into the gym, changed into the usual attire, and weighed in two pounds heavier than earlier this week. Acceptable water difference, especially since I hadn’t fully digested (this means poop) two boxes of granola yet. Especially since I haven’t fasted at all this week, and am probably barely skirting maintenance if I’m anywhere close to it. Moving on before I trick myself into depression.

I mosey on over to the literal center bench (not the most visible bench, a neighboring incline has this distinction) and knock out a few warm-up sets. I notice a familiar blond head darting around me, it’s Lynn, presumably circuit training while she waits for me to fail on my top set so she can swoop in and save my ass. I decide to test this assumption, and deliberately attempt a third rep I know I won’t make. Three Ms. Reps later, and I rack. She grabs my ass while I deload. The peak of my workout.

I later notice some other guy grab her ass, probably her husband, and I debate grabbing his ass but then I realize this isn’t high school and he can probably hit worth a damn.

She introduces me to “Bruce,” we shake hands (grip affirms my disinterest in being punched by the giant,) and he makes some half-snide remark about my sub-100 bench as they leave. Nevertheless, his name is Bruce. I don’t fuck with guys/girls named Bruce.

SO! I go about the rest of my chest, relatively uninterrupted. I note some decent carb-bestowed progress on all three lifts. Recovering from my final set of flys, I think: “Maybe I should do calves. I threw in those cable crunches on back day,” and while calves dissimilarly has no justification (abs stabilize for pretty much anything,) they ARE being neglected.

Today I had a whole depletion program, sans chest since it’s chest day, written out to hopefully offset SOME of the carby damage I’ve dealt myself. Which would have included calves if I hadn’t been interrupted.

Sadly, I only manage to complete lats and delts before my appointment arrives late. He admits it was all his fault though, he’s new, doesn’t understand the area that well or whatever, fine. I was more thrilled with the fact that he didn’t jerk off on my chest, but hey, at least I know if he’s WRONG he’s HONEST (which has the unfortunate result of BELIEVABILITY for the more ignorant trainees out there.)

I was doing empty barbell squats with a little too much enthusiasm and I think I pulled my butt anyway, so let’s chat about fat loss, or whatever.

I Wanna Help You Out Bro: TRAINING

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