feels so good man

Posted: December 1st, 2010 | Author: ERIC | Filed under: Chat, lulz | Tags: axe, books, Boston, cast, Chuck Mangione, Disney, DOMS, douchebags, enchant, feels so good, fingerpicking, freaks and geeks, gunpoint, hot Eric-on-Eric action, man, Phillip, plate, postcoital, princes, quote, rape, sensitive, shit, shonen, sitcom, stacked, ten word story, The Princess Bride, The Temple of Gold, total party kill, Twin Peaks, William Goldman, wiping | No Comments »

I didn’t want to go with, but we all died.

I had two stacked, so I just used both since they’re by the same author:

“he was determined,”
“streets of Boston,”

(William Goldman: The Princess Bride; The Temple of Gold, respectively.)

So answer me this: If you are heading for battle and can chose one weapon and one armor set, which ones would you chose and why?

Axe and plate, sell plate, enchant axe with armor money.

Halberd and plate, sell both, buy spell components.

I wasn’t told what class I’m playing, I don’t want to buy spell components if I can’t cast anything y’know?

That’s a little too real-life for me.

If you could turn an American TV show into anime, which one would it be?

Twin Peaks.

Maybe Freaks & Geeks.

Holy shit. I am my own sitcom/shōnen series cast.

being fit is kinda gay sometimes chunky friends will compare our arms and mine is like in inch bigger then his he says “not bad considering i dont work out huh?” i tell him part of the size of his arm is fat he gets pissed off and tells me to stop being cocky then skinny friends try and brag about there fatless body then they get pissed when i say they are also muscleless wtf? /fit/ should i just get ing shape friends?

tl;dr- why are fat/really skinny people sensitive douches?

If you never experience DOMS, your pain threshold never goes up, and silly things like WORDS hurt.

A nigger points a gun at you in an alley and forces you to have sex with one Disney prince/Hero

who would you choose?

BREAKING IT DOWN BY ROWS:

Eric > Aladdin

Naveen < Shang

Phillip > Tarzan (I LOVE Tarzan; I HATE dreadlocks. Sorry!)

Charming < Adam (since he’s not in Beastmode…)

Zyzz > Tiny [but both are disqualified]

ROUND TWO:

Eric > Shang

Phillip > Adam

Eric and Shang are, I think, pretty evenly matched. Eric has definitely ACCOMPLISHED more, and is prettier. And he didn’t totally beta-out when he found out his chick was a fish, either. Shang flipped shit when he found out his mancrush was a reverse-trap. Sad.

Phillip don’t take shit from sorceresses. Adam can’t say the same. Failure. (Adam would have been a better match-up with Tarzan, since they both fucked up bravado men-of-action. Adam would still lose, though. Tarzan wrestle gorilla, Tarzan stylin’ on Beast.)

FINAL ROUND:

Eric > Phillip

I love Maleficent. I really do. But she just does not hold a candle to the stage presence of Ursula. And that’s really how their respective battles looked: Phillip is on a stage, we see the two great powers (jealousy and true love) clash, and a power move wins the day.

While Prince Eric has clearly just gotten off a Die Hard kick. He’s on a boat and doesn’t afraid of anything. Only Hercules had foes in greater scale (and number of them, at that) but Eric hasn’t got any powers and sorely-limited magical assistance, just a couple levels in Badass and Refusal To Take Shit perks.

I’d tap that.

I want to know how YOU clean yourself after a bowel movement.

Do you use TP, damp TP, soap, a bidet/sprayer, etc.

As well as wiping technique, standing/sitting, folded/wadded, do you clean inside, and so on.

I just use my fingers, digging in with whichever finger I’ve extracted my fingernail from that halfmonth and circling in either a clockwise (left hand) or counter-clockwise (right hand) motion to scrape the inside of my anus with my finger.

Then I curl the finger slightly and extract the scraped-wall shit and either flick it into the toilet, if it doesn’t just slide down into my palm, or scrape it on the underside of the seat. I lift the seat somewhat to allow more storage space. I squat.

It helps me to remember to wash my hands before I leave, though sometimes I use the sink to wash out my butthole (same procedure only now with slightly warm water), and in those cases I’m tired of using the sink after all that work and I just leave it like that.

Popularity: 3% [?]

---

Jason Doesn’t Know Whore

Posted: August 23rd, 2009 | Author: ERIC | Filed under: Chat | Tags: BabyGurl, beat, bitch, children, date, demise, divorce, fat, ghetto booty, internet, Jason, kill, marry, myYearbook, pointless, rape, rude, sex, shining flower, shit, shit-fuck, stroll, tease, ugly | No Comments »

–noun

1.	a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute; harlot; strumpet.

I’m not saying I don’t see the appeal.

I’m just wondering why guys have to tell me about it.

There’s a lass I text on occasion. Being the vacant vanilla bullshit broad that she is, she will be referred to as “BabyGurl.” She’s a self-admitted tease, has been raped recently, and I’m not dim enough to not associate the behavior with the event. However, I also believe that bitches talk shit. It’s not that I question the likelihood of every girl in the US having been raped by the age of 15. It’s just that, with that kind of prevalence, it’s kind of like me trying to milk being a child of divorce.

Anyway, I’m just ending my evening stroll when someone calls me restricted. I’m not saying it was her, but… come on. His name is “Jason.”

me “Hello?”
Jason “Do you know BabyGurl?”
me “Uh, maybe?”
Jason “She texts you a lot.”
me, still legitimately baffled about whom he’s referring to “Uhhh…”
Jason “She added you on yearbook.”
me, getting a touch fed up “Yeah, okay.”
Jason “I’m going to kill her.”
me “That’s rude.”
Jason “What would you do if I killed her?”
me “Probably never find out about it.”
Jason “What?”
me “I’m a dude off the internet bro, who’s going to inform me of her demise? You? I don’t even know who you are.”
Jason “I’m… uh… Jason.”
me “You’re a shining flower, aren’t you?
Jason “Huh?”
me “You’re a shitting fuck, aren’t you?”

Jason “…What if I just beat the fuck out of her?”
me “Still rude.”
Jason “I beat her before.”
me “Congratulations. You’re a man.”
Jason “Ya. I beat her cuz she wouldn’t have sex with me.”
me “Ooh. A real man.”
Jason “I’m going to rape her right now.”
me “Have fun with that.”

Some time passes after “he” hangs up with me. I’m back inside. I’m on the computer. My pants are off, etc. Texting commences, it’s BabyGurl telling me that he kicked her, he’s chasing her, “I’m hiding.” Whatever. I ask who is doing all of this, she says nevermind and that she has to go. Maybe she just got home and she wants to go take her pants off, too.

Or maybe she doesn’t because she doesn’t take her pants off for anyone. More texts:

“its jason”

me “Okay.”
Jason “do u think BabyGurl ugly?”
me “No.”
Jason “yea she is & don’t u think she fat?”
me “Well if her booty is as ghetto as she claims it is, then probably.”
Jason “would u date her?”
me “Only if she never had sex with me”

Jason “wat did i ask u again?”
me “If I’d marry her or something.”
Jason “u wuld marry her?”
me “Maybe.”
Jason “but u guys would have ugly children cus she ugly”
me “So you are an idiot. Glad we re-established that.”
Jason “i kno i am but u dont care bout her”
me “Are you going to make a point?”

Stupid question.

Jason “no”
me “I didn’t think so.”

Of course not.

Jason “yup me ither bye btw here da damn ugly whore”

I wait a few minutes to see if BabyGurl says some shit. Nothing.

me “Haha. He doesn’t know what a whore is.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

---