She Grabs My Ass and I Deload

Body Weight: 161lbs.
Body Fat Percentage: 18%

Flat Bench:

1. 100lbs. x 2 (and 3 assisted…)
2. 90lbs. x 5 (+)

Incline Bench:

1. 80lbs. x 5 (+)
2. 65lbs. x 5 (+)

Incline Fly:

1. 25lbs. x 4
2. 25lbs. x 4
3. 25lbs. x 2

Plus sign means “increase next workout.” Just trying some easier notation for myself.

Now I get a little volume-bonkers.

Horizontal Row: 6×12 @ 40lbs. (+)

Lateral Raise: 2×12; 1×6 @ 10lbs. DBs

Squat: 1×12 @ 45lbs.

[WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM]

Bicep Curl: 2×12 @ 5lbs. DBs (+)

Triceps Pushdown: 2×12 @ 30lbs. cable (+)

Cable Crunches: 6×12 @ 30lbs. (+)

Popularity: 3% [?]

Goal Revision

I’ve been spending more time away from the gym than I ordinarily would like, but my immune system has been taking hell lately and I’d rather not take more stress than I absolutely have to. I seem to have an inverse gym-to-thinking ratio; the longer I stay away from the gym the smarter and more introspective I become. I have to fix that.

Optimal health over the long-term is the only real goal, after all.

However, I do have three major goals over the next eleven weeks:

1. 10% or lower body fat percentage.
2. Run continuously for 20 minutes.
3. Squat 300lbs.

They’re in a specific order, too. They’re in the order of effort I’m putting in, in order of likelihood to occur, in order of what I’d like to have and INVERSE order of what I would really enjoy doing.

A lot of people get mixed up. Yes I would like to HAVE sub-10% bodyfat, but I don’t really enjoy DOING WHAT IT TAKES to have it. Important distinction. Though honestly I enjoy squatting and also would enjoy having a BW-multiplied-by-whole-number PR.

And to be honest I don’t really care a whole lot about running one way or the other, so sticking it in the middle is accurate. I don’t really care about running, I don’t really think I enjoy doing it, but just having some aerobic fitness couldn’t hurt, and certainly contributes to my caloric deficit for fat loss. Family has a history of heart problems and diabetes, and I’ve already neglected the latter, so might as well take care of a problem before it can happen, you know?

Optimal health over the long-term.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Upper/Lower Body Split

Ughhh…

I feel like I’m speaking heresy. But I’m “using a four-day upper/lower body split, in combination with an hour of cardio daily, to lose fat.”

It’s in quotes so people can mock me when I go back to a pure workout for real men.

Today I found out I can’t make PRs in squats and deadlifts after four days of low-carb/low-calorie dieting. Who knew?

Stats
Total Weight: 164lbs.
BF%: 17.8
Fat: 29.192lbs.
LBM: 134.808lbs.

Today was a… lower body… legs day… UGH THIS SOUNDS SO STUPID.

Squats: 1 x 5 @ 200lbs.
Deadlifts: 1 x 2 @ 170lbs. (failed to lift 205lbs workset)
Hack Squat: 1 x 5 @ 45lbs. (first time doing this)
Leg Curl: 1 x 5 @ 75lbs. (making up for FAILURE deadlifts, only not really, surprisingly painful)

I did five minutes on a treadmill before I remembered the walk I have to do tomorrow. Love ya Sarah!

Some more rage: I’ve lost less than a pound of fat per month for the last three months.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Full-Belly Workouts

I think I should stop having a bowl of oatmeal before I workout. It’s fucking up my bodyfat readings. Not to say I’m NOT a lardass, but the meter is essentially laughing at me as hard as I was laughed at in middle school. It saddens me.

10/8/09
Deadlift – 1 x 1 @ 195lbs. (left hand under, after failing a right-under of 205lbs.)
Bench – 1 x 4 @ 95lbs.

So next workout I bump up the Deadlift and Bench stays the same.

BW: 171lbs.
Fat%: 19.3lbs. (33lbs.)

10/14/09
Squat – 1 x 5 @ 195lbs.
Press – 1 x 2 @ 70lbs. (FUCK!)
HamChin – 1 x 5 @ 55lbs. offset (114lbs lifted; since I’m the same weight I was the last time I attempted this lift, I got the final rep I wanted, yay!)

Weight: 169lbs.
Fat%: 22.8% (38.5lbs)

See, this is why I shouldn’t eat a big bowl of oats before a workout. Not only when I breathe deep do my lungs expand fully, push down my organs, and make me feel like I should shit right there in the squat rack, but it bumps my bodyfat up too! Waah! I don’t really know how to do the math for this! So I gained nearly six pounds of fat and lost… seven and a half pounds of muscle. What the fuck? /sarcasm

At any rate, I need to get my diet in order. I think I’m going to change to something a little more staggered, where the majority of my calories are eaten on training days. I know that retained water artificially inflates my bodyfat “score” but I’m not going to be doing any bizarre glyco-deplete bullshit until at least a month from now.

Invoking Katch-McArdle: 370 + (21.6 x 58.725) = 1638

Multiplied by an activity factor of 1.375 leads me to 2252 calories for daily maintenance.  Suddenly the weight gain doesn’t seem so implausible =\

Anyway, I’m going to be eating at maintenance on training days ONLY, and dropping to 30% of that on days I don’t train. As much as I hate to diet by percent, I’m going to just for the sake of daily adjustments/sanity. Fat/carbs/protein; 20/50/30.

Using today as an example: I eat as close to 2252 calories as I can without going over and with getting at least 169g protein.

Tomorrow, I’ll assume nothing has changed, and use “yesterday” values: 2252 – 30% = 1576, with 118g protein and 197g carbs.

And then Friday I go to the gym again, so I’ll re-weigh and re-measure accordingly. I’m going to try to go in without a carb meal (maybe just some eggs or a proshake or something), it won’t fully deplete me or anything but I hope to get a more accurate reading nonetheless. Then I’ll use that to calculate for that day, which will be hard to manage if I don’t get to my dad’s house for fooding up, and then for the low days following all the way to Monday.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Training Update

I’ve been forgetting to update the blog, but I haven’t been forgetting to workout. Because I’m not gay.

9/25/09
Squat: 1 x 3 @ 170lbs.
Press 1 x 5 @ 65lbs.
HamChin: 1 x 5 @ 60lbs. offset (I don’t know how much I weighed this day, scale was DISAPPEAR)

10/2/09 – First Workout @ L.A. Fitness
Squat: 3 x 5 @ 185lbs. (almost failed the very last rep, BUT I DIDN’T)
Bench: 2 x 5 @ 80lbs. (also did 1×1@85, before these two sets)
Deadlift: 3 x 1 @ 185lbs. (need chalk, need big socks, form, etc.)

Weight: 168lbs.
Bodyfat: 17.4%

10/6/09
Squat: 1 x 4 @ 195lbs. (failed my 5th rep, looks like another week until 200, FUCK!)
Press: 1 x 2 @ 70lbs. (this exercise: I really miss having a mirror to check form it; felt like my abs were cleaning my pelvis)
HamChin: 1 x 4 @ 55lbs. offset (I almost want to count the 5th rep, I just SO SLIGHTLY missed it, but again: Not a faggot.)

Weight: 169lbs.
Bodyfat: 20.1% – disregarded; carb-loaded

HIGHLIGHTS

Gym Salesman “This is the squat machine–”
Me “Machine? No.”
GS “I know you said you don’t like machines, but in case you injure yourself–”
Me “I’ll wait on it and go back to the rack when I’m healed.”
GS “Okay, but when you squat, it puts pressure on your knees?”
Me “…Yes. [suspicious]”
GS “Right, when you squat down and your knee goes past your foot, you put tremendous pressure on your knee. This machine allows you to squat without that pressure, so you can keep squatting when your knees are sore.”
Me “I just squat with proper form and avoid this issue entirely.”

GS “So today’s Friday and you’re doing squats, so you probably aren’t benching today, but here are where the benches ARE.”
Me “So I see… what makes you think I’m not benching today?” (refer to my workout schedule above)
GS “A lot of people have their ‘chest day’ on Monday.”
Me “Oh, right. I forgot about that…”
GS “When’s your chest day?”
Me “The day I work my chest.”
GS “…”

So next to me, this black curlmonkey starts doing his barbell curls in the other squat rack. Fine, whatever, I only need one squat rack until I’m superhuman so I just rest it up while I watch him do push-curls (like a push press, only with curling… that uh.. sort of… “put your hips and back and drop your head into your shoulder blades like you’re about to cum” way of curling.) I look at his notebook and notice that this Friday, Mr. Monkey is hitting his biceps from all angles.

Monkey “You gots a notebook too?”
Me “A-yup.”
Monkey “Dats cool bro, you gotta keep track yo shit.”
Me “Shore do.”
Monkey “I do so many sometimes I fergit.”
Me “So many what?”
Monkey “Uh [checks notebook] …curls.”

Golden.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Weak Workout

I didn’t get enough sleep. I think I underate the day before, and… I just felt generally shitty. But I didn’t want to completely skip a workout, so I skimped on the sets and tried to push the weight higher as I normally would have.

• Squat: 1×5 @ 160lbs.
• Bench: 1×5 @ 75lbs.
• Deadlift: 1×5 @ 155lbs.

I find it particulary agitating that my deadlift days have been compromised thus far. I hope this is not a trend that continues.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Lifting Goals, Phase One

Going to briefly recount Wednesday’s workout, and then gloss over the first stage of lifting goals that I have.

• Squat: 3×5 @ 150lbs.
• Press: 3×5 @ 55lbs.
• HamGrip ChinAss: 3×5 @ 90lbs. offset (80lbs. lifted)

So, if you couldn’t deduce, I weighed 170lbs. on Wednesday. I did not bother testing body comp.

My lamer beginner goals are as follows:

• Press: 110lbs.
• Bench Press: 165lbs.
• Squat: 220lbs.
• Deadlift: 275lbs.

I should be there in like four months right? Yeah!

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Sunday Workout

For scheduling convenience and to save gas, I did my Monday workout today.

As a result of sixteen or more miles of bicycling, I skipped squats. It hurt just skipping stairs on the way up to the second floor

So I tested my Bench Press and Deadlifts. I felt like I could have lifted more, but I already have this huuuge inroad on my recoverability, so… yeah.

• Bench: 3×5 @ 65lbs.
• Deadlift: 3×5 @ 135lbs.

I ate really well today. Going back to a little more strictness tomorrow, but my fat weight from two weeks ago is down.

Two weeks ago: 170lbs @ 20% bodyfat (so 136lbs. lean, 34lbs. of fat)

Today I was 172.2 @ 18.4% bodyfat (so 140.5lbs. lean,  31.7lbs of fat)

My goal, starting Monday, is to lose one pound of fat per week. My goal for the next nine weeks is to lose fat until I am at 15%. If I don’t lose any muscle mass I should be at about 165lbs. total. 24.75lbs of fat means I have almost seven pounds of fat to lose. At a rate of one pound of fat a week, that gives me two fuck-up weeks and still slide in proper!

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